As a theist you have a number of rights and responsibilities. These include (but are not limited to):
- Read the Bible and see for yourself that the church's interpretation is correct.
- Tell those who disagree about the Bible's meaning that they should read it again.
- Remember that anything that contradicts the Bible is wrong.
- Obey the letter of the Ten Commandments as currently interpreted and condemn as immoral those who do not (e.g., Buddhists).
- Write an irate letter or e-mail to any media outlet that offends your sensibilities or Christian values or says something you disagree with.
- Shun war and violence not committed with a sense of Christian righteousness.
- Teach your children the glorious story of Christ's torture and death for the salvation of their sinful immortal souls. Save less palatable tales of certain Biblical events (e.g., Tamar' story) until they are of an appropriate age.
- Act to keep inappropriate subjects out of our public schools (evolution, sex education, comparative religion, certain historical topics, Lot's daughters) and appropriate activities in (required prayer and Bible study).
- Do good works (e.g., send Bibles to the victims of natural disasters and pray for the death of liberal Supreme Court justices).
- Always ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" and then do what the church tells you.
Remember, atheists will condemn you for living by this code because they are shamed by your obvious moral superiority and "irritated" by your joyous song and proselytizing.
A Pants Aflame production